Incognito.

Dear Anna,
I have never written a letter to anyone in these 25 years that I have lived nor will I in the future, I hope. But now I’m forced to write to you, my emotions and sentiments don’t let me rest in peace without you. My attachment with you in this little span of time is indescribable. I want you to come back to me, be your natural self, give me your sweetest smile! I want to plead, beg, cry, flirt , threaten; do whatever is possible to get you back!
I was ready to do anything for you. And by anything I mean ANY F***ING THING!  If only you would have respected me a little! Only if you would have toyed with me at a little less. What do you think? Bending on my knees and proposing you for marriage with the whole world witnessing the drama was some joke? It might as well be, for you, but I was serious and solemn in my intentions. I had, still have, a pure heart unlike you. Was it me who had asked for your love in the first place? No Damn it! IT WAS YOU. Like nine others, I was the tenth toy with which you played and played till you got bored. And when you broke me down completely, you threw me away without giving a thought of how much this toy had amused you and added joy to your life, although for a few months.
I can write and write, write for the entire night. Isn’t that’s all what’s left for me to do? Mourn over the loss of my best treasure? I can hardly sleep or do anything else for that matter. I’m tossing and turning. A tear here, an outburst there. I had my exams, I wanted to study, to be something that I intended to, that I ought to but closed this chapter. In fact you had put a full stop to this whole book. When I used to open my books to study in hope of putting some law in my mind, your memories outlawed me. These emotions killed me without leaving a scar behind. I cry every time I hear a romantic song. I can’t hold back and relax because I love you. “Loved” you would be the precise term? I tried to be a bold and a brave man but I’m not and I can’t! These bitter downpours bites venomously at me. It gives me the kind of pain no medicine can heal. Except one: The healing power of your affection.

I know what you are doing at this time. Flirting with a guy, or hanging out with guys, stalking someone on some filthy social networking site or maybe asking some innocent man to take you to his apartment, as you did with me.
The question is,  now what? Are you going to torture the innocent gentleman in your life or are you going to put some good thought in that head of yours and  repent for what you have done?

I was a very well known guy in my college, mingling with buddies, bubbly bubbly, a happy go lucky kind of a person whose company most students enjoyed. What were you? A fresher who didn’t know the C of college. Nobody knew you either. You wanted the limelight, you wanted attention and you got it. I passed out of College, completed my degree and boom! You cut me out! I’m gone. Do you feel the pain that is transpiring through me? Phew! Forget about that! You need a heart to feel. Do you even know people with smashed hearts? I doubt you do.

You started arguing with me, I didn’t say a word. You started fighting with me, accusing me falsely yet I say only a few words to clarify your hazardous doubts. But then,you brought in the cliche “break up” thing.  I apologized though I wasn’t wrong. I wanted to avoide any thing coming in between our miraculous relationship. You were so dear to me! God! So very lovely! I had given you the freedom to flirt to do the hell you wanted to but going away from you was the last thing I wished for. I used to wait for your messages day in and day out. I checked my cell phone like a nomad every now and then. A simple “Hi” made me blush. It was all an illusion. A matter of time which would come to an end and; it did. I don’t feel like getting out of bed, or talking or eating. You hover on my mind all the time. But I have to, you know. It was my first experience at love which was sweet at first but turned out to be ugly later.

Only I know how I face the world , plaster fake smiles and laughs, pretend to be happy when deep inside I’m dying. You took away a part of me with you.

I hope I’ll get over it soon. They say, time heals deepest pains. I’ll join a good firm within some days, work my ass off. And be busy as much as I can. No time for such bullshit.
I’ll miss you, no doubt in that. The time that we have spent, ofcourse. All about it. I’m happy that it happened. Just remember “what goes around, comes back around” All the people out there are not fools like the ten of us with whom you were. An eleventh one will teach you what love is. No, no! Not love! He will teach you what is betrayal!!

Act like a human, my dear! There’s still time. πŸ™‚

(Inspired by a true story.)

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Author: Alisha

A writer living in Mumbai.

25 thoughts on “Incognito.”

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