Sun rays gently tap the serene sky as dawn descends. I haven’t slept for one minute the previous night yet I’m brimming with vigour. I think and over think the things I have done, the people I have hurt, unintentionally, or perhaps with bold intentions. I play the events of my life, from childhood to youth, in my mind, over and over again. I want another chance. For everything that I have done is wrong. Nothing feels right, nothing is right either.
I knew what I did was wrong but I did it out of habit. Out of necessity, maybe? Will all those pierced souls forgive me? Not in this world. I have hurt my enemies, my friends, my parents, my peers. Not one person connected to me have been left unhurt. And all along I have hurt myself.
I want to repent for what I have done. Asking for forgiveness is a characteristic of the weak. I am not weak. I have the courage to trample a lion. This is how I am. This is how I have lived. This is me. I ask myself, is there any reason why I should continue when all the humble gentlemen out there wants to vanish me, not giving me another chance to mend my mistakes? Those men with masked gentleness. At least that’s where my plus point lies. I don’t fake around. Playing the role of someone who I’m not. I’m bad. I show it and people know it. No denying it. No backstabbing.
I cry. Fresh tears run down my tear stained face. What do I do? Where do I go? Why am I doing this? I don’t want to face the world. I want to change. If I try to be nice, those nice people will believe this is my another plot to a greater ploy. I’m tired of this lifestyle. I go to the restaurant, to the club, to the garden, to the movies, to the pub, I see a group of people sticking together. There’s this group and that group with none giving me much of a glance.
My brother’s death has given me a blow I have never had before. It has changed me ever since. I was never this evil minded depressed person. A car had hit him and disappeared in the woolly weather. Spectacles gathered around the frozen body that had been lying there for 10 minutes. They oohed and aahed but no decent man considered it wise to call the police or an ambulence. Moreover nobody had seen the car come and to ask if they have noted down the car’s number would be a funny thing to say. If only they would have done something……
A life walked away in silence.
I hate everything and everyone. This being the reason why. I want to have my part of revenge. I want to teach this ugly world a lesson yet I want to show them what humanity really is. I want to take all their lives yet I want to be a better person. But who cares?
I’m toying with my sleeping pills. An overdose would kill me. Yes, I’m aware of that. To hell with it! I will consume all of them. I don’t wanna live in this mysterious world. Let my demise bring smiles on faces. Let darkness creep over with this rising sun. Let death rejoice over its victory.
(Note: this is a work of fiction. Theme and plot adheres to the writers imagination.)